Carol and Therese - The Lost Years
by Liblar
Summary: A series of stories following on from "Everything Comes Full Circle", focusing on how Carol and Therese spend their lives together.
1. 1962

**Therese & carol Cuban missile crisis**

Therese walked into the living room, dropping her keys onto the table. Life didn't seem real at the moment, with every day on the news talking more about tensions in the East and the threat of war. Even the same apartment that they had lived in for ten years now, their refuge from the world, didn't feel like it could protect them from the events that were spiralling out of control.

She came over and sat down next to Carol. Carol was bent forward on the edge of the sofa, her cheek resting against her upturned hand. Without taking her eyes off the screen, she slipped her free hand over Therese's knee.

"The President's about to make an address" she said.

Therese gripped Carol's hand as she stared at Kennedy's handsome face, now suddenly the stern statesman. Missiles, hemisphere, quarantine, retaliatory response, security council, nuclear war – the words sounded serious yet they felt meaningless to her. She couldn't comprehend it, not only hers but the whole country's annihilation in the blink of an eye.

As the closing fanfare emanated weakly from the television, Carol said bluntly – "Well, that's that". She got up to switch off the television.

"What do you think it means?" asked Therese, not quite believing that the last twenty minutes had just happened.

Carol sighed, "who knows? Though I can't imagine that even the Soviets want to go to war".

"People are panic buying in the stores and talking about underground bunkers and nuclear fallout. Are you not worried?", Therese asked.

Carol shrugged, "If it happens it happens, there is nothing any of us can do about it". She walked over to the coffee table and took a cigarette out of the box.

"But what if it does happen?" Therese pressed, "would you want to try and take shelter or just…" she couldn't bring herself to say the words she was thinking: die, extinguish, vaporise.

Ignoring the question Carol fumbled with lighter and cursed under her breath.

"I mean, what about Rindy?"

Carol flinched for a moment. Even now, after all this time just the mention of her name made Carol stop in her tracks. She finally lit the cigarette and took a deep inhale.

"What about her?"

Therese wasn't sure why she said it, perhaps it was the only way to get Carol's attention, to get Carol to mirror some of the anxiety she was feeling.

"I mean, surely you must be worried about her?"

Carol's eyes narrowed at Therese - she knew the real reason why Therese had asked.

"Harge would die to protect her. He may be a lot of things, but he is a brilliant father. He would never let Rindy come to any harm. He's probably already got a nuclear bunker at the bottom of the garden with a lifetime's supply of Campbells soup", she joked with little humour.

Therese opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it. She couldn't make sense of her own feelings at the time, never mind Carol's.

"What are we doing for dinner?" Carol asked.

Later that night, in bed, Therese lay flat on her back, her eyes wide open staring into the blackness, unable to stop the horrific images flashing through her mind: the wailing of sirens, emergency broadcasts, bodies screaming and burning, Madison Avenue reduced to blackened rubble. She thought back to when she had first met Carol, and how she had wished that the two of them could be killed in the car, their bodies dragged out one after the other. She felt angry at herself, how immature and deluded she had been – thinking death was romantic. Life was to be cherished, and the thought that the life they had both worked so hard together to make could be obliterated in the blink of an eye made her sick to her stomach.

"Can't sleep either?" came Carol's voice.

"No"

Carol lifted her arm, and Therese nestled into her, resting her head against her shoulder. Carol pulled her in closely.

Therese ran her hand slowly up and down, feeling Carol's delicate breastbone through the silken fabric of her pyjama top.

She exhaled. "Carol, I'm scared".

Carol slowly stroked Therese's hair, not saying anything.

"I mean, I just don't know. People I speak to all say different things. Some people think it will all blow over, some think it will be world war three. I don't know whether we will be here tomorrow".

She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at Carol – faintly seeing the outline of her face against the pillow. "What would you do, if they called the alert that a missile was heading this way?".

Carol was silent, and for a second Therese thought she had fallen asleep. But then her voice came, confident and clear.

"Perhaps it is different for me. I'm older than you, I've been in this world longer. As long as I knew Rindy was safe, I'd rather spend my last moments right here above ground, the fresh air on my face and a cigarette in my hand".

She brought her hand to Therese's face, feeling for it and then cupping it gently. "I'd understand though, if you wanted to leave me behind and take shelter. You are still so young, you need to experience more of life".

Therese suddenly imagined the two of them holding hands on their balcony, standing smiling looking into each other's eyes as a wall of fire came towards them. In that moment it was only Carol. Death didn't seem so horrible if Carol was beside her.

Therese pressed Carol's hand harder into her cheek ,"What life would I have if I didn't have you in it?" she said quietly.

"Then it's agreed – if it happens – we go together?"

"Yes", Therese aid kissing her, "together".


	2. Christmas 1953

Suddenly it was Christmas again. A year since they had first met, since everything changed. Therese looked over at Carol who was carefully measuring out flour, and smiled at the small crinkle between her eyebrows, the concentration in her face as she looked at the scales. It was small moments like these, she thought, that she fell a bit more in love with Carol each time.

They were making a cake for Abby's Christmas Eve party later in the evening, though originally neither of them had planned to attend. Carol thought she may have had a chance to see Rindy at some point over the Christmas holidays, so did not commit to any other social engagements, and Therese didn't really want to attend without her. Much as her relationship with Abby had improved, Abby was still very much Carol's friend.

Therese wasn't sure with who she would spend Christmas this time round – last year she had gone to Richard's parents. She pictured them, all sitting around a big table, Richard's mother bringing out the golden brown turkey, the informal chatter and laughter of everyone together again. She thought of it wistfully for a moment – it had been something she had never had growing up – a large family, people coming together, and she realised that being with Carol meant it was something she could never have. But Carol was her family now, and there was nobody else she could ever want to be with at Christmas.

Unfortunately Harge, once again went back on his word, and after telling Carol that she could see Rindy, then changed the plans at the last minute, booking a getaway to Florida for them. Naturally he invited Carol along, but she declined, though it left her devastated. It took several telephone calls from Abby to coax her back into having some festive cheer. Therese felt still felt slightly envious of their relationship, how it was Abby who could make Carol laugh the hardest, who could pull her out of a funk when things got hard. She kept reminding herself that first and foremost, their bond went further than being ex-lovers; in truth they were best friends, almost soul mates, but Carol had chosen her, Therese, and surely that meant something.

Therese whisked the eggs and sugar in a large bowl as Carol rummaged in the cupboards for the remaining ingredients. Suddenly she felt arms around her waist holding her closely, as Carol's lips grazed the back of her neck.

"Proper little housewife aren't you" she mocked gently.

Therese smiled, feeling like she was in an advertising poster – amused at how domesticated she had suddenly become. She carried on whisking, Carol's arms still wrapped around her, her chin resting on her shoulder.

"You know", Therese said, "I don't think I've ever made a Christmas cake before".

"What?!", replied Carol, aghast, "How can you have never made a Christmas cake before?"

"Well it's not like I ever had a mother around to teach me" Therese joked.

Suddenly Carol's arms dropped and she stood back. Therese then realised what she had said. What a stupid thing to say! Today of all days, she thought. She knew how much Carol missed Rindy, especially around Christmas, and she had blurted out something that was Carol's worst fear confirmed – the impact of a daughter growing up without a mother. She screwed her eyes shut with how mortified she was at what she had just said.

Therese turned around, "Carol, I'm sorry that was such an insensitive thing to say".

"Don't worry about it" Carol said flatly, her back to Therese as she walked to the bedroom and shut the door.

Later that evening, they took a cab to Abby's house.

"Where are you ladies off to this evening?" asked the driver.

"To a friend's house", replied Carol confidently, "she's having a party".

"A Christmas Eve party, very nice".

Therese's breath misted the cab window as she stared out onto the frozen street rushing past her. She was still thinking about what she had said earlier, wishing she could undo that one stupid sentence. But Carol seemed better now. Perhaps it was the pull of seeing Abby this evening, or just getting out and going to a party. Anything that distracted Carol at this time was fine by Therese.

They reached Abby's driveway and the driver cut the engine. Therese scooted out first, shivering and clutching herself against the bitter cold, as she watched Carol pay the driver, unable to hear the words they exchanged. As he drove off, he wound down the window and called out "Merry Christmas ladies".

Carol raised her hand as the car disappeared into the darkness. She turned to Therese, "I've asked him to swing by in a couple of hours and take us back home. Abby's parties can get a bit lively, I don't think I've got the energy tonight. Is that alright?".

Therese was secretly pleased, it was so cold outside and all she wanted was a warm evening in with Carol back in their apartment. She was glad they wouldn't be staying too long.

"No that's fine with me" she replied, her teeth chattering.

"Come on, let's face the music" Carol joked.

They walked up the gravel path to Abby's front door. Carol pressed the doorbell and they waited in silence.

The door flung open and Abby greeted them with a delighted shriek. "Merry Christmas!", her face was flushed, clearly the festivities had already started. She kissed them both and took the cake from Therese's hands, beckoning with her head for them to follow her in. "Put your coats upstairs" she called as she disappeared down the hallway.

They took off their coats and left them on the growing pile building up in Abby's bedroom. Carol checked her hair in the mirror as Therese folded their coats, the sound of talking and laughter growing louder from downstairs.

"You look nervous Therese" Carol remarked.

"I'm not" Therese replied a little too quickly.

Carol raised an eyebrow and went back to fluffing her hair.

Therese folded her arms and looked at the floor. "I guess I'm not very good at socialising" she muttered.

"Perhaps you need to learn to be more interested in humans" Carol quipped, and despite herself Therese couldn't quite supress a smile.

"Come on then blushing wallflower", Carol said, reaching for Therese's hand, "Let's mingle".

As the evening went on, it became quite clear to Therese that the large majority of women and the smattering of male guests at Abby's party all had one thing in common. Abby was obviously very well connected in certain circles. She seemed to know everyone as she skilfully wove around the room, introducing people, topping up drinks. She thrived off the energy.

Therese realised that she had never known that there were so many people the same as her. To hear everyone talking and laughing and joking together, it seemed like a different world, as if she was finally experiencing life for the first time. A life that she probably never would have had, had Carol not walked into the store that day.

Therese stood by herself by the roaring fire of Abby's lounge, holding her mulled wine in both hands. She had maintained a few conversations with some of Abby's guests, but she didn't have the same gift that Carol had – the way she was able to make people hang off her every word. Everyone seemed to bask in her glow, and eventually Therese had grown tired of being a side act, and had retired to the fireplace to smoke a cigarette in peace.

She looked through the clumps of people, all smartly dressed with drinks in hand, some of the ladies wearing suits, others in dresses. Everyone looked so comfortable and at ease. It was sad, she thought, that only behind closed doors could people truly be themselves, but they sure knew how to have a good time. Almost on cue, she heard a squeal of laughter and turned her head to see one of the women waving mistletoe over another, trying to kiss her whilst the other bat her off laughing. "Look out!", shouted Abby drunkenly, "Maggie's got mistletoe and she isn't afraid to use it!".

Maggie saw Therese staring, and started to blunder towards her. Therese desperately looked around for an exit or a distraction, but there were none, and she could hear Abby and the group of women laughing as Maggie got closer and closer. Maggie stood in front of her, her face uncomfortably close, her face as scarlet red as the lipstick that was now smeared across her face. She held the mistletoe over their heads – "how about a kiss then Audrey Hepburn" she said thickly.

Suddenly an arm came out and grabbed Maggie's, holding it gently but firmly. Therese looked up and her heart leapt to see that it was Carol who had come to her rescue.

"Maggie, how delightful to see you" she said smoothly, bringing Maggie's arm down but not letting go.

"Carol! Oh yes lovely to see you too" she replied, looking slightly abashed.

"You're looking well, where did you get that dress? It's simply marvellous" Carol asked, as she skilfully removed the mistletoe from Maggie's fingers and curled them in her own. Maggie mumbled something about a store on Madison Avenue and quickly scuttled away, as Carol looked on after her, shaking her head.

"She's the same every year, one too many gins and she becomes a complete pest. Abby just encourages her, it doesn't help".

"Well thank you for rescuing me", Therese said, struggling to control the large proud grin that was breaking across her face, "you were very chivalrous back there". Carol snorted, putting the offending mistletoe onto the mantelpiece. "I don't know about you, but I think I'm ready to go home" she sighed.

"Definitely" Therese replied.

They arrived home just after midnight, officially it was Christmas morning. To mark the occasion, Carol insisted on playing Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song" record on repeat as they got ready for bed. Whilst Carol was finishing in the bathroom, Therese hurried out quickly to the closet in the spare bedroom, searching frantically till she found what she was looking for.

She stopped in the bedroom doorway, concealing the object behind her back. Carol, now newly showered, was sitting on the edge of the bed in her robe, slowly rubbing her cold cream into her hands and across her throat. Therese looked at her for a second, captivated by the slow and sensual way that Carol's hands moved. It was such a simple every day task, but Therese thought it was one of the most erotic things she had ever seen.

Carol saw her standing in the doorway and smiled. "Merry Christmas" she said, before going back rubbing in the final smears of cold cream into her hands.

"Merry Christmas," Therese replied, as she took the object from behind her back. It was the Christmas hat she had been given at Frankenberg's, the one she had been wearing when she and Carol had first laid eyes on each other across the busy shop floor. She placed it on her head, and walked over.

Carol looked up as Therese stood in front of her, her eyes flicking straight to Therese's head. She let out a small soft laugh, and pulled Therese between her legs.

"I can't believe you still have that old thing" Carol said huskily, her hands moving to the tie around Therese's robe which she began to loosen slowly and deftly, her eyes not leaving Therese's.

"I kept it as memento," she said, trying not to let her breathing quicken as Carol gently slipped the robe off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor, leaving Therese standing naked in front of her. Tring to keep her voice calm as the twinge between her legs grew stronger, she uttered "You know it's been over a year since we met?".

"A year ago – my goodness, time does fly" Carol replied. She traced her hands around Therese's lower back, softly kissing her stomach, the tops of her thighs, and then delicately around her inner thighs. A small groan escaped Therese's throat and she tilted her head back as Carol's lips moved over her.

Therese lifted her hands from Carol's shoulders and ran them through Carol's hair, lifting her face upwards, and leaning in to kiss her deeply. They broke apart and looked at each other, their eyes glazed over with lust and longing. Therese reached for the hat and began to take it off, but Carol stopped her.

"No", she whispered, before pulling Therese onto the bed, "leave it on".


End file.
